I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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