he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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