I think I am morally bankrupt
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
