Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
