Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
