Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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