Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
