this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
now i know why i became what i already was.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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