At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
