Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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