Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
