sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
