i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
