if i can run in heels then i can drive
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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