No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
