If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
