# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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