you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
