I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
