come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
