Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
