Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
