Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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