The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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