I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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