Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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