I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
