I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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