White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
