I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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