She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
