Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
