It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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