I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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