Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
