You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
