is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
