i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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