Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
