He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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