last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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