Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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