there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
