Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
