i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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