so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
