yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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