Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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