Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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