I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
