And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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